Little White Lies and Paranoia

I have reason to believe that there is a strong connection between what our society would call “Little White Lies” and paranoia.  I realized this in a psych hospital, where I began in a state of mania, pure and simple- almost certainly brought on by lack of sleep and (legal) drug use.  I basically walked in ‘hyper-registering’ everything, let’s call it.  I could not shut anything out of my conscious mind, it was as if I had broken the veil between conscious and subconscious, so stuff I should not have noticed, and stuff that was immaterial, all got filtered directly to my consciousness, which generally ‘filtered’ back out of my mouth (or fingers largely for me, since they did give me writing implements), in some semi-coherent form.  The acute aspects of this began to fade slightly between the drugs they were trying on me and finally getting some sleep, and it was in this state of heightened awareness, on the edge of exhaustion, that I started to notice the inconsistencies riddling the psych ward.

For example, I noticed that while the staff acted like they couldn’t hear you behind their glass, the glass stopped before the ceiling, such that there was about a 4 inch gap or so, so it was far from sound proof.  I realized they were selectively deciding who to react to based on the person’s tone and how the patient approached them with whatever request or demand it was.  It cracked me up though because new staffers would walk in, that didn’t realize I had discovered this little trick, and would ignore me calling them by name the first time, so I’d call it slightly louder (still quite quiet when compared to other patients generally), they’d look up, and I’d point to the gap in the window with a look on my face that indicated the ‘jig is up’ and they’d either smile or turn red out of embarrassment and answer my question.

Now this might seem small, and really it is (and it’s understandable why they’d do it), but my hypothesis is that the subconscious mind catches all this stuff (which is why I believe my mind, when moving from a state where background info wasn’t being screened hardly at all, to one where slightly more is being screened, ‘caught’ several items like this so quickly), and if the motivations for why the lie is being perpetrated are not known, the subconscious mind begins considering all possible options, highlighting those possibilities that are the biggest threat to our survival (to best prepare us for fight/flight).  I saw these inconsistencies everywhere, especially once I started looking for them (I made a game out of it, I figured pointing out some of these ‘secrets’ to other patients from time to time, while within earshot of the staff members, was a safe but effective way to indicate to everyone that I was ready to get out of there).

Now, is it likely that they were intentionally changing which meds they were prescribing me in my first 2 days there?  Or was it anything but a mistake that when I decided to begin taking one of the medications and the doctor had changed my prescription to just that medication, both that and second incorrect one were being given to me that evening?These were probably innocent mistakes, but especially when in a foreign situation, and being given drugs that influence how your brain sees the world (though dopamine), I believe these inconsistencies trigger our subconscious brains to play out scenarios that could be possible, which could easily make someone paranoid, even if they did not have a mental illness, just based on these other temporary factors.

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~ by songoflove on March 6, 2017.

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